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The Mystery Bunch/Transcript
In a space of pure whiteness, the giant blocky title and a certain rose emblem drop from the sky to the ground, where the four miniaturized members of Team RWBY pop out from behind it to smile, wave and adopt poses for the audience while an unseen speaker announces the show as: "RWBY CHIBI"! ---- Jaune Arc, Lie Ren, Neptune Vasilias and Sun Wukong are roller skating. Sun is rolling around easily, while Jaune struggles just to stay upright and Neptune is hunched over trying to stay balanced. Sun: It's true what they say, you never forget how to roller skate. Jaune: Who says that? Sun: You know. Dudes. Jaune: What dudes? Sun: Dudes who don't fall down. Jaune loses his balance and starts to fall, so he grabs onto Ren's arm for stability. Ren: Do you mind? Jaune: Please don't make me let go; I'm tired of always being the first one to fall down. Ren: (facepalms) Fine, but no hands below the waist. Neptune does a muscle man pose and begins to slowly roll off to the right. Neptune: Hey, this isn't so bad. I think I can do this! Sun: On your left, dude! Sun skates past Neptune, causing Neptune to spin out of control and fall over; he grabs Ren for stability as well. Ren: Really? Neptune: Wow, I feel so safe holding onto you. You're like a rock. Jaune: Right? I know. Ren: Okay, That's enough of that. Ren throws Neptune and Jaune off of his arms, causing them to fall. He loses his own balance and falls over a moment later. Sun: Guys, please, you're embarrassing yourselves. Jaune: How do you make it look so easy? Sun: Uh, duh, my tail helps me balance! It's pretty much the best thing about me; other than my abs. And charm. And natural Beau-keeeeh Ruby Rose skates past, running over Sun's tail before he can finish his sentence. Sun's pupils narrow to pinpricks, his tail bent at an odd angle behind him. Ren: You were saying? Sun: (pained) Just that I'm the best! Haha! Best boy in the whole wide world. Urgh. I'm great! I'm gonna go, uh, cry. Tears of happiness! Sun makes a victory pose, eyes closed and with a pained smile as he slowly rolls off to the left, out of sight. Jaune grunts and wheezes before falling unconscious with spiral eyes. Ren shakes his head in disappointment. ---- Winter Schnee, Bartholomew Oobleck, Ozpin and Peter Port are standing at a desk, looking at a holographic monitor which shows a skull and crossbones. In addition to the skull, the word ERROR flashes in red block text. It opens its mouth and two popups appear: "COMPOST KING. PLAY NOW" and "You can become a JUNIOR DETECTIVE! JUST THREE EASY PAYMENTS!". Ozpin: I just don't understand what could have given us a computer virus like this. Penny Polendina walks by the desk carrying a couple of books. She stops and sneezes, after which the skull on the monitor begins to cackle loudly and spew out more popup ads: a poster of the Achieve Men; "REAL CHIBI BEANS" endorsed by Professor Oobleck calling them "MAGNIFICENT!"; "NEO'S NEO ICE CREAM" advertising the new flavor "TORCHWICKY" and assuring that it's not poison; "JARS BY CINDER" showing a couple cremation jars with the logo "STORE YOUR FRIENDS"; "WHACK-A-GRIMM. PLAY NOW!"; "KITTEN KILLER 9000. ORDER NOW!"; "NUTS & DOLTS COMPUTER REPAIR"; "ARMY SURPLUS" endorsed by "SHOPKEEP, INC."; "READ LIKE ROSES BOOK CLUB"; followed by several repeats of the ads. Winter stares at Penny, with a mix of both confusion and concern on her face before looking up at the screen, eyes wide. ---- A teddy bear wearing a wig of Ruby's hair is sitting in a chair in an interrogation room; behind the chair is an eyewitness window with a two-way mirror. Neptune: Alright you, this is your last chance! (manhandling the bear) Confess! Or I'll beat the stuffing out of you. Sun bursts into the room. Neptune looks embarrassed and throws the bear away from him after trying to hide it behind his back. Neptune: (defensively) What? You play with dolls! I don't. Sun: Dude, focus! I just found out someone else has been solving mysteries in town. Neptune: But that's our thing. We're the junior detectives. Who's trying to muscle in on our turf? Sun: They call themselves The Mystery Bunch. Zwei, Jaune, Nora Valkyrie, Pyrrha and Ren are standing in a hallway. In addition to their normal clothes they are all wearing props. Jaune is wearing a green t-shirt, Nora is wearing glasses, Pyrrha is wearing a green scarf, and Ren is wearing an orange ascot. Neptune and Sun stare at the five of them, confused. Neptune: Is this... some kinda weird cosplay? Ren: Hmm, has anybody seen a mystery around here? Pyrrha: I'm sure we'll stumble across one completely by accident. Nora: (adjusting glasses) I'm the smart one! Jaune: (rubbing his stomach) I could go for a ridiculously large sandwich. Also, G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-grimm! A Beowolf appears and roars, causing Zwei to jump into Jaune's arms. Jaune: Boinks! The Mystery Bunch run in place until the Beowolf attempts to grab Ren, at which point they sprint off on the opposite direction. In a hallway with 8 doors, four on each side, The Mystery Bunch run out of the front left door into the front right while chased by the Beowolf. The Beowolf runs out of the second door on the right while chased by Ren. Zwei runs out of the front left door chased by the Beowolf which is now riding an undersized bicycle. Neptune and Sun watch the events in the hallway. Neptune: So wait, what does this accomplish? Jaune chases the Beowolf out of the third door on the right into the third door on the left while wearing sunglasses and playing a saxophone. Sun: I'm not sure, but it's like ninety percent of what they do. Zwei runs out of the second left door. Ren is riding on his back, holding onto his ears. Pyrrha is standing on Ren's back, hunched forward while Jaune is haphazardly sitting on Ren's head and leaning back against Pyrrha. Nora, now carrying the Beowolf, follows them out of the door. Sun shrugs, and Qrow Branwen, wearing a speedo, goggles, and his cape runs across the hall, from the third door on the right. He stops to look back and forth before continuing forward by running into the third door on the left. Having successfully caught the Beowolf, Jaune is now eating from a box labelled Zwei Snacks while the groups stands around the Beowolf, which has been tied up with rope. Ren: Now, let's get to the bottom of this mystery. Run pulls the Beowolf's head off, revealing Shopkeep. The Mystery Bunch: Old Man Shopkeep? Shopkeep: (mumbling) And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids. Pyrrha: (patting Shopkeep's head) Another case solved with a minimum amount of effort. Nora: I have glasses! The Mystery Bunch all laugh heartily. Neptune: What just happened here? Sun: (mouth full, holding a box of Zwei Snacks) I dunno, dude, just keep eating dog food until we get on their level. Neptune begins to shovel Zwei Snacks into his mouth from the box, and Sun shoves two into his mouth. Category:Transcripts